Automotive joke and funny pics.

 

 

HA, HA… automotive joke!

About your neighbours cars of course. Not yours. Be careful not to insult anyone.

You can say bad things about someone’s wife but not about his car.
A country and a car are the same. Fiat – Italy, Ford – USA, Volvo – Sweden, Renault – France, Volkwagen – Germany, Toyota – Japan. Insult make of a car and you insult the whole nation.

Let’s do it!

AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
Always Under Diagnostic Inspection
Always Upside-down, Double Interest
Another Understated Dealer Incentive
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.Automotive joke

BMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Bring Money Weekly
Brings Me Women
Bubba Makes Wheels
Broke My Wallet
Broken Money Waster

BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
Butt Ugly In Central Kentucky
Butt Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Butt Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle Over Loud Engine Tapping
Can’t Help Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time!
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle, Or Loud Engine Ticks
Cheap Hastily Engineered Vehicle Running On Luck Every Time
Cheap Hazardous Expensive Vehicle Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Department Of Defense’s Grossest Error
Dead On Delivery, Gasoline Eater
Detroit’s Only Damn Good Engine
Digs Own Damn Grave Eventually
Do Or Die, Get Engine
Don’t Over Drive Gutless EngineAutomotive joke

FIAT
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!
Fiat is Always Trouble
F**ked In the Ass Twice
Fix It Another Time
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Fits In A Thimble
Flats In All Tires

FORD
backwards –> Driver Returns On Foot
First On Recall Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron’s DNA
First On Recall Day
Fast On Race Day
For Off Road Domination
First On Rust and Deterioration
First On Race Day

GM
General Maintenance
Genital Motors
Goshdarn Mess
Getting Malignant
General Misery
Great Mess
Grab Me
General Maintenance
Give More
GiMme
Got Me

GMC
Garage Man’s CompanionAutomotive joke
Got A Mechanic Coming?
German Milk Cow
Get More Chicks
Gets Mechanics Crazy
Gloomy Mechanical Contraption
God’s Master Creation
Goober Makes Cars
Good Many Clunkers

HONDA
Had One Never Did Again
Honda Options Never Deal Affordably
Hallmark Of Non-Destructible Automobiles
Helping Out Nips Destroying America
Hugely Obnoxious Nuclear Driving Accident
Had One, Never Do-that Again
Had Overhauled Nine Days Ago
Hallmark of Non-Descript Automobiles
How Odd, No Damn Acceleration
Hand Over Dollars to Asians

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing’s Driveable And Inexpensive…
Hope You Understand, No Deals Available Inside
Helps You Undergo New Debt After Inception
Hardly Your Understanding New Dealer Allowance Incentive
How Your Usual Nerd Drives An Import
Here’s Y U Never Drive An Import

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
Many Are Zooming Death Accelerators
Making A Zillion Dollars Annually
Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly
Must Always Zoom Down AsphaltAutomotive joke

MERCEDES (Benz)
Most Expensive Road Car Everyone Drives Except Steve
Merger Engaged Reverse Chrysler Entering Decline Evident Soon
Money Envy Reliably Causes Every Derogatory Expletive to Surface
Most Every Red Cent Eventually Dissipates, Extinguishing Savings
My Expensive Race Car Emits Dense Exhaust Smoke – But Efficiency Near Zero
Most Eccentric Rich Capitalists Enjoy Driving Expensive Sedans

MITSUBISHI
Men In Tight Spots Uttering Bulls__t In Sexual Harassment Investigation
Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete
Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behavior, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents
May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside

NISSAN
Never In Season Simply A No-show
Need I Say Something About Nothing
Never In Synch Screeching Awful Noises
Nine Idiots Standing, Saying Absolutely Nothing
Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now
Never I Shall Steal Another Nissan
Needless Innovations, Silly, Stupid, Automotive Nonsense
Now in Stupid Shape, Always Nasty

OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick’s Irregular Leftover
Equipment
Oh Look, Dammit, Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot’s Leaking Everything
Old Ladies Drive Slow – Mostly Over Bridges Into Lake Erie
Old Lady Did Some Mechanical Overtime Because It Lacked Energy

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Backsign-post_03
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
Sorry Auto Assembled Backwards
Stinking Atrocity Absent Beauty
Start Adding Additional Brakefluid
Backwards >>>> Bad Asses Always Suffocate
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Styling Absent After Buyout
Swedish Auto – Always Broken
Sorry As A Bum
Stop Asking About Brakes!
Swedish Automobiles Are Beastly
Surely Absorbs All Bucks

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
This One You Oughta Tow Away
Totalled Only Yesterday, Officer Towed Away
To Operate Your Own Terrific Automobile
Take Off Your Oversised Tires, Asswhole
Taking Our Yen Out — Thanks All
The One You Ought To Avoid
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Very Outlandish Looking Vehicle Overhaul
Vagrant Owned Lousy Vehicle Organization
Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners
Very Obsolete Looking Vehicle Oddity
Very Overpriced Lame Vehicle Options
Very Often Loses Viable Operation
Very Ornate Luxury Vehicle, Originally

VW
Virtually Worthless
Very Old Lowered Kinky Sedan With A Great Engine Noise
Very Weird
Volks Who?
Very Wondeful
Vtec Wins!
Virtual Wannabee
Value Withheld
Vehicle Wackiness
Vehicular Waste
Very Weak

Automotive joke
**
A family of three are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.Embarrassed, and to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says’Don’t worry. That was an insect.’To which one of the boys replies ‘Was it? Wow! I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!’

Automotive jokesign-post_12sign-post_32sign-post_21**
A blonde walks into a bank in central New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, ‘Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?’The blonde replies, ‘Where else in central New York City can I park my Rolls for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?’
**

sign-post_23sign-post_35sign-post_06
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
“I can’t do that, officer.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m an asthmatic, very seriously affected. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”
“Okay, we’ll just get a blood sample down at the station.”
“Can’t do that either, officer.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”
“Fine then, just step out of the car and walk this white line.”
“Can’t do that either, officer.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m drunk.”
**

sign-post_26
A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down
a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. “Didn’t
you see the arrow, buddy?” he asked.
“An arrow?” the confused driver said. “I didn’t even see the
Indians

ta-nedari

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