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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar.
The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.
I was angry about the whole Brexit and free movement thing but then I realised I haven’t been on a holiday since 2012 and I’m broke anyway so how much worse can it get?
Why do we need any colour passport? We should just be able to shout, “British! Less of your nonsense!” and stroll straight through.
People were confused by the arguments either way – they interviewed people the next day on the news, one bloke was like ‘I voted leave but I didn’t really want to leave Europe’ – there were two options on the form, how did you screw that up? Another bloke said ‘I just voted Leave to get the Muslims out’ – he’s in for a shock when he finds out Muslims don’t come from Luxembourg
VOTERS: we want to give a boat a ridiculous name
VOTERS: we want to break up the EU and trash the world economy
I don’t think we should have voted. I can barely rate a film on Netflix, don’t leave big decisions in my hands. Brexit is a terrible name for it, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.
David Cameron announced he is stepping down in the wake of a vote, which should make me happy, but it doesn’t. It’s like catching an ice cream cone out of the air, because a child has been hit by a car. I’ll eat it! But it’s tainted somehow.
In and out’, it’s a very hard decision. It’s like the other day, my flatmate was making me a peppermint tea, and he said ‘would you like bag leaving in, or taken out?’ If you leave the bag in, on the whole the cup of tea itself will get stronger, and it might appear that the bag is getting weaker, but it’s now part of a stronger cup of tea. Whereas if you take the bag out, the tea’s now quite weak, but the bag itself goes directly in the bin.
I was surprised when people kept voting to keep Wagner on X Factor, and ever since then it’s never surprised me, our ability to mess up a vote.
Let’s get one thing clear, personally I in no way believe that all those who voted for Brexit are racist or stupid. People voted based on the information (albeit limited and misleading) put before them by politicians. We could just as easily have arrived at a result by counting belly buttons. Innies Vs Outies. Turns out we are a nation of outies.